YUCK
Captain is now so worked up that he keeps running up and down the stairs and barking at the stupid bird. So I put him in the garage.
I managed to get the bird out by balling up a sheet and throwing it at the bird (which kept flying into the window). I managed to get it to fly out the front door.
Thankfully, it only crapped twice while it was in the house.
Even though the bird is no longer threatening our house, Captain is still patrolling and looking anxiously at the ceiling.